My Diary

Ugh. Literally, worst week ever. And I can't even say why.
Basically, something happening and then it got found out about and then there were consequences. And not fun ones.

So I shan't be doing that again. I'm learning from mistakes and then neverrrr doing them again

I keep thinking about it thoughh.. I either want it dealt with or repressed (the latter apparently isn't as easy as Freud makes out..), but neither of those things are happening.

Arghhh.

Exams went okay (Y)
Results on March 5th

Oh, and I don't like Ollie anymore.
He's a slag..
He's got a list.
Of girls.
And I'm nottt being added to that list.

Right, I've got to go riding now..

Ciao xxx

Sociology exam TOMORROW.
I'm freaking out. A lot.

I either want an A or a C. That sounds weird, but if I get an A, I'll obviously be tres happy, and if I get a C I know I'll resit it. Decided that already.
But if I get a B? It seems a bit arrogant, for want of a better word. As if I'm being like, "Oh no, that grade's not good enough for me; I must get an A." But I'm really not, I just want to get an A so I can go to the uni I want to, not just any that'll accept me.
Not that you'll do that if you get Bs, I'm just saying I'm probably going to a uni that's hard to get into so I'll need good grades.. Not that Bs aren't good.. I'm digging myself into a hole here.

So yes, freaking out.
I keep reading stuff in my textbook and I'm like, "What the fuck is that?! We haven't learnt that!" And it's stressing me out. You put quite a lot of faith in teachers to teach you the right stuff, don't you? I guess I'll just have to trust them.

Been to the gym today (Y) I can never be bothered, but I did run a kilometre and a bit, and did 50 sit ups, so that's pretty good for the first session of the year, after the complete lack of excercise throughout the christmas holidays.. I've gotten veryyy unfit

Talking of unfit, you know who IS fit? Ollie. Oh yes, I like him a little bit And I saw him today.. Went for a walk with him.. Was pretty late for french..

Slightly worried that I'm just being used, but to be honest, I don't want a relationship and he probably doesn't either, so I shouldn't be too bothered.
I just feel like a bit of a slag, you know? Like, he's a slag, but he knows he is and he's fine with it, but I'm really not used to it.
As my friend becki said, "Is he interested in the 3 letter word or the 4 letter word?" And I said, "Well neither to be honest; today he was interested in the 7 letter word: handjob."
But no, he really is interested in the 3 letter word, and not the 4 letter word. But to be honest, the 4 letter word doesn't really appeal to me either. Difference is, I'm slightly terrified of the 3 letter word. Quite worried about losing my V, if you get me.
But hey, we'll have to wait an see, eh?

I just asked Katie who she pulled at new years and she just said.. Well, here's the convo:

Me: "So did you pull at new years?"
Katie: "Well apparently I pulled Len, but I don't remember."
Me: "Oh coolll "
Katie: "I don't remember much, just kissing everyone when it was happy new year time, and Ollie (ugh - sorry) keeps going on about Len and something to go with his leg."
Me: "Whatt? Who's leg? That made no sense lol."
Katie: "Len's leg."
Me: "Ohh, I understand. I was confused why you said ugh - sorry, but I get it: You said sorry because you said ugh. Lol."
Katie: "Yeah that's what the sorry was for.."
Me: "?"
Katie: "For the ugh."
Me: "Oh okay (Y) So thenn.."

But I think that the "Yeah that's what the sorry was for" line was sarcastic and really she was saying sorry because she pulled Ollie. Not that I'd be bothered; they're both single and, let's face it, we know what Ollie's like.

Right. Seeing as I'm absolutely terrified about my exam, I'm going to do some more revision.
I'll write 2mo to say how it went :S If I'm not too busy revising psychology, obviously...

Ciao xxx

Goshh, I can't even be bothered with any of it.
Stupid exams... Why give them to us NOW?! How ridiculous.

I really want to be able to speak french fluently. How cool would that be? I'd just be there like, "Bonjour, je m'appelle Jess et je parle francais "
Check out that for frenchh (Y) Scoree...

I asked Katie how the new years party was and she was like, "Yeah, it was alright." And then she accidently let on that she cried and, when asked why, said, "Oh.. Erm.. Because Hannah was being mean.."
Yes (Y)
She blates pulled Ollie.

I'm making ciabatta bread in the bread maker atm. I'm rather excited about tea now LOL.

Ooh.. Tea..
That's made be think about coffee.. YUM.
I need some coffee I'll have to get some in a minute

I got the afternoon off today because Sophie was too ill to come to the primary school and teach french, so Miss told us to "subtley take the afternoon off."
LOL. What an awesome thing for a teacher to say

Right. Coffee time. And then more revision. And more reading of Wuthering Heights. I'm up to chapter 15, the only time in the entire book that Cathy and Heathcliff get together.
And after Wuthering Heights, I've got to read Tess of the D'Urbervilles, which is quite possibly one of the most depressing things ever.
Although, in the TV one, I was quite stuck choosing between Angel Clare and Alec Stoke-D'Urberville. I know you're supposeddd to like Angel because Alec like, rapes her. But he's just so seductive LOL.

Anywho, never mind. I'm really going to die if I don't have coffee soon.

Au Revoir xxx

Heylo

Yes, ugh, it's exam time again.
Doesn't seem like I've even been at college that long. It seems too soon to be taking an exam :O

Sociology on Friday, Psychology on Tuesday. Wish me luck, I'm aiming for A's

Oh, and happy new year, by the way
I did fuck all for new years: I stayed at home and watched Disturbia (quite a good film, to be honest) with my dad.
Everyone completely refused to invite me to their parties: Chris wasn't allowed to have one, Ali wouldn't invite me and Rach wouldn't invite me (though I wouldn't have gone to rach's anyway...)

I'm a little bit annoyed at the moment. Kind of with everyone.
Charlotte and Louise because they said they wanted to spend new years with me and Katie and then they didn't get us invites for Ali's, and only let me know about two hours before the actual party. Cheers guys.
Katie because at Rach's party she got with the guy I like (a bittt..)
And she knows I like him, so she didn't tell me about it, so I had to find out off Paul in English today. Score.

So when I said I was annoyed with EVERYONE, I really only meant those three. But still, they're important people to me, and I don't like it when they're irritating like that.

I've decided that you just get hurt when you're close to people, so if you don't care about anyone then you won't get hurt. Granted, you might be lonely, but you won't be hurt. Which is worse: pain or loneliness?
Maybe if I just stop caring about everyone, start distancing myself from the ones that tend to hurt (or, less dramatically, 'irritate') me most, I'll be better off.

Just remembered another thing I'm annoyed about: my friend Vicky, who I love lots and is quite possibly the funnest person I know, has this boyfriend called Elliot. Now, don't get me wrong, I like him. But he's just realllyyy friendly, and even flirty. Probably just to wind Vicky up, but still. It's lucky she's not the jealous type.
Even our Senior Guide Leader, Alexis, pointed it out: "You flirt a bit with Vicky's boyfriend a lot, don't you?"
NO, I don't, alright? What can you do when he licks your face except lick him back?!
I guess I'm just childlike in my retaliation.
But I think even my MUM suspects that I've secretly got some evil scheme to steal him, some ulterior motive for being friends with Vicky.
Well, as Chris from Skins would say (if they hadn't killed him off, of course))) FUCK IT.
I know what's going through my head, and that's all that matters.

If I was going to go all psychological on you, I'd say that maybe he has a stronger id than superego, and he uses regression as a defence mechanism.
Who knows?!
LOL.

I'm reading Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte at the moment, (for English Lit, although I have read it before just for fun ) and I've realised HOW much power authors have!
Catherine Earnshaw and Heathcliff and the most horrible people; he's power hungry, always after revenge and so, so dark and evil, and she's so spoilt and selfish, but somehow they've become one of the most famous couples in English Literature?!
Genius.
I think the point is that the only good quality they both have is that they love each other so much: "Oh, Cathy! Oh, my life! How can I bear it?"
How cute they are.
When you're reading about Heathcliff stealing his brother's new pony, or wishing he'd killed his own nephew, you'd think that you'd hate him, wouldn't you? But no. Fucking sympathy. That's what he gets. Honestly, what's the world coming to?!

Conclusion: Authors have a lot of influential power.

Right, bed time, methinks.
I shall keep you updated on how secretly annoyed I am with my closest friends. So far, it's:
Charlotte: I
Louise: I
Katie: I
Sarah:
Nat:

I can tell you now that either Charlotte, Louise or Katie will win. And normally I'd bet on Charlotte, but I'm internally debating whether or not to add a point to Katie's tally everytime she lies about who she got with at new years.
I'm going to ask her about it in the morning.
Paul, when he told me, said they only pulled, "apparently, but you know what Ollie's like..."
Oh, awesome. More stress. Scoreee...

*sigh*

Night night

xxx

Heyyy

So I haven't written for AGES and I've very veryy sorry
Bad Jess

But I figured I'd just do a quickk post to tell you what I've been up to.
Pretty much, apart from revising and the usual stuff, I've been making a list of my 5 favourite guy celebrities that I loveee
And I thinkkk it's just about done, although I can't really decide on 5th, so it's shared:

1. Gaspard Ulliel (Google him.. He's SO fit..)
2. Rhydian (Don't laugh.. And Google him too; he has a tres nice body
3. The Phantom Of The Opera (i.e. Gerard Butler.. Just because he's so seductive..)
4. Voldemort (Ok, really don't laugh, but Ralph Fiennes IS fit. I think. And Voldemort.. Well.. I think it's the 'bad boy' thing haha..)
5. Either Robert Pattinson or James McAvoy (Just because I couldn't decide.. Originally it was just James McAvoy.. But then I saw Twilight and.. Well.. It's Edward.. Come on?!)

Lol.. So that's my list for now
Though number 5 are changeable.. Though I'm pretty sure the others are staying

Rite.. I have a fit wall in my room where I stick my pics of these fit people, so I'm going to go and stick some more up

Bye byee xxxxx

Understatement,, I haven't written for agessss

Hmm..

I've been rather busy at college I suppose. I've got january exams in psychology and sociology so I've got to work hard for them and we're starting to get coursework and stuff in English lit and we're getting our speaking test stuff ready for french so yano.. Lots of work

On the other hand, lots of parties
It's Bekky's 18th soon and we've got a social on the 27th so they should both be funnn

I went to a party at Andy's in half term which I thought was veryyyy fun. Loads of people didn't like it because the alcohol ran out and the house got completelyyy trashed, but most people had fun

I invited Ste the chinese guy and then I thought I better invite Alissa and Rosie as well so he'd have friends. But then they all brought loads of their friends so everyone was like 'who invite like, twenty people from St. Nicks?' and I was like 'oops :S'

I got ratherrr drunk that night and I don't really want to seem like a slag but I think I was. A little bit..

I got with Paul, Harry and Dom. But they don't really matter because they're my friends and it's not awkward or anything now, so that's fine.
And I got with Ste, because.. well yano I like him.
But I think he mightt have found out about all the others from that night so he mightt think I'm a slag because he's not really been talking to me as much now

And I also got with Ollie who's a guy in the year above that's a completeee slag, to be honest.
I sort of went off for a walk with him..
'Come on Jess, let's go for a walk, just pulling, honestly, I won't try anything..'

NAIVE.

Didn't get further than second base before I came to my senses, don't worry.

Anyway..

And I was also sat in a bedroom for an HOUR with a guy called Alex who I've never spoken to before and I haven't spoken to since.
I used to sort of like him a little bit
But sokk I don't really anymore, I've decided I don't want anything to do with relationships (Y)

So I think Ste may know about Ollie and Paul and Harry and Dom (he may have even seen me get with Dom..)
And he may know I was in a bedroom with Alex for an hour but honestlyyy NOTHING HAPPENED.

No one believes that haha!

Been to a languages day today (Y) Scoree..
Was alrite.. I got to know the upper sixth better. Some of them are actually really cool.
We've also decided to have 'french evenings' where we dress up in french things and eat cheese and drink wine

Should be fun

Anywho, I'm off. I'm going to Charlotte's because it was her birthday the other day so she's having a little gathering sort of thing so we can eat pizzas and watch films lol.

Bye byee xxx

Hello again. Not written for ages, sorry, kind of forgot a little bit haha.
Ooh well, exciting weekend lots to tell you.
I've been getting along rather well with Ste (the chinese guy from Rosie's party).
And I had a free house this weekend because my parents went away for the weekend and my brother was working until like.. 2am. So my friend Charlotte came round and we were like 'Let's get drunk ' .. So we invited Hasbo (his real name is Harry, but we call him Hasbo because it rhymes with ASBO haha.. Very weird..)
So Hasbo brought us some beers and then I rang Rosie up to see if she had any and she was like 'yesss alissa's having a party, come round!'
So Charlotte, Hasbo and I walked off into goostrey and met Rosie and her friend Danny at the station and we all walked to alissas

Before we went out, Charlotte was talking to Ste on msn whilst I was ringing around looking for alcohol and she asked if he liked me and he said yes and I told her to tell him that I like him too.
^^ This is relevant for later on, I promise

So yes.. Once at Alissa's I got drunk and made lots of new friends, of which I can't remember the names of most of them..
There was only Me, Charlotte, Alissa, Rosie and Martha (who I met at Rosie's) that were girls and there were about 20 guys So that was funnn haha..

Most of the guys seemed to be called Dan or Danny, it was pretty weird haha.
There was an Aiden who looked like Sid from Skins.. There was Danny and Mike who looked the same, but I met them at Rosie's.. There was Danny who walked up with Rosie..
And then there was the other Dan..

As I gradually got more and more drunk it went from..
'Hmm.. that guys alright'
to 'Rosie, who's that guy? Go and tell him I like him..'
to 'Dan, come for a walk and find signal with me '
to 'Let's walk to my house '

But don't worry, we only got half the way there before Aiden took him off me and took him home
Haha..

Twas great, Dan came for a walk with me to find signal and he brought a gingerbread person and some icing and made it into a gingerbread version of me with a green top and everything haha.
Then we ate me. Twas great haha.
And we ate blue icing on he way home..
So now I'm known as gingerbread girl
I sound like a super hero

But anyway, the point is all these people are friends with Ste.. So that means that Dan's friends with Ste.. So do you think it''s a bit harsh that I told Ste I liked him and then went to a party (that Ste didn't go to because I wasn't originally invited, by the way) and got with his friend..?
Is that mean?
I mean, me and Ste aren't seeing each other or anything but still..

Well, it's been a while.
I started sixth form Yay. It's really fun, it's so much more relaxed than year 11!! All the teachers are just like fine about anything and I really really like all my subjects so it's all good I even get a bit bored in some of my frees, which means I clearly don't have enough work to do haha.

Okay, so I guess you're wondering why this post's called magic shoes? Well, I'll tell you.
I have some actually magical shoes.
I'm not even joking, they're the ones I bought in Manchester the other week, the pink ones . Okay, I'll explain why they're magic..
First time I wore them I got model scouted, for the second time, and the model scout said she loved my shoes
Second time I wore them this guy gave me his number in a restaurant when I was out with my parents. They were pretty shocked haha. Turns out he was 21 though so he said I was too young for him. Gutteddd..
And I wore them on saturday night to rosie's party, just to test out the magicalness, and I pulled. Twice.
Haha How awesome are my shoes?!

Well, okay, one of the people was only Chris, and I've pulled him before and it's nothing new. But the other one ..
Lol. He was this guy called Ste and he was chinese, and I have a thing for fit chinese guys like my friend Katie has a thing for gay guys.
So as soon as he walked in the door I was like, 'Right, I am DEFINATELY getting with him.'
And then my friend Nat came up to me and this was our conversation...

Jess: I really want to pull that Ste guy.
Nat: Nooo you can't!
Jess: Why not? I wanttt toooo
Nat: Noo because I want Vicky to pull him!
Jess: But I want to pull him
Nat: Noo Vicky hasn't pulled for ages, she has to pull him.

And I'm sorry, but there were 3 more single acceptable guys there. She could have had them. So I was practically crying at this news that Vicky also liked Ste (I get pretty emotional when I'm drunk), so I went and asked her about it...

Jess: Vickyy! Nat said you want to pull Ste but I want to pull him.
Vicky: What?! Nahh I don't want to pull him..
Jess: But, but, Nat saiddd..
Vicky: Nahh, you go for it Jess

So I did

But now I've just spoken to Rosie and Alissa at guides and they said that Ella gave Ste Vicky's number today and told him to text her. But I've been texting Ste?! So I was confused And then Alissa said that Vicky liked Ste. And THAT made me feel well bad I was so completely sure that she'd said to go for it?! Why would she say that if she didn't mean it? I would have probably forgotten by the morning because I would have spent the time I was with Ste drinking instead.
So, I just could not contain the curiousity so I had to ask her about it, so I texted her just before asking her if she really did like Ste and that I was very very sorry if she did and that she could totally have him if she wanted and I would never be so mean ever again! And she said that no, he was 100% mine and she wasn't bothered at all, Ella just gave him her number because she was being Ella and he hadn't texted her and it didn't matter, she didn't even really like him but apparently I do so I should go for it
So I will

I think I'm going to a party with him on Friday, but I think Alissa and Rosie will be there too so that's okay I won't be stuck on my own with a guy I've known for a week and all his friends. That would suck.

I'm normally absolutely terrified about this sort of thing. You see I've never had an actual actual serious serious relationship. So guys kinda scare me. I'm fine with them at parties and as friends and stuff like that, but when it comes to dates and meeting up with them and stuff I'm so petrified!
But everyone keeps telling me to go for it.
So I will
New motto for life, methinks.

I'm well gutted: on wednesday I went to Manchester and I managed to lose my make up bag. Gutted. I had like, 30 quid worth of make up in there. And college starts next week so I'm going to have to go shopping on monday with Katie before enrollment to buy allll my make up again.

Meh.

But apart from that it was a good day. I got the most amazinggg shoes, they were reduced from 35 quid to 15 so I was well happy and they're pink with black polka dots and they have ribbons They're tres smexy. They make me happy, I wear them around the house all the time haha..

And I bought lots of new clothes to wear to college. And I aquired a skirt from Vicky because she never wears it. Although technically it's not hers it's her friend Maddie's, but she's had it for about a year, so Maddie obviously doesn't miss it much.

I think Rosie's having a party next saturday and she's invited all of us lots from guides and she's invited all of her friends from Sir John Deane's College, so that should be fun. New people

Chris had a party yesterday for his 18th but he didn't invite me. I don't think it was a very big party though; I only heard aout 3 cars start up at midnight. And I only saw Sam and Tom walk down the road, because Chris lives like.. 2 houses away from me.

Rosie says we can stay at hers on saturday so that's good. Means I can get drunk and not worry about my parents. Until the morning
I hate hangovers They're like the worse things everrr. My friend Katie never gets hungover, I'm so jealous. I think it's because she's even more of a lightweight than me so it doesn't take much to get her drunk, so she doesn't drink very much, so she's not hungover. That's my threory anyway.
So when she says that she got soooo much more drunk than anyone else, you know that really she drank less than everyone else, but still got the drunkest.
That's the way to do it It's cheaper.

I'm just having a bit of a music downloading sesh atm, I just got Basshunter - All I Ever Wanted, because I've wanted it for agesss and it's a well great song
It's really not like the rest of the music I listen to though..
Well.. It sort of is, like some of it.. I like the most random array of music. A bit of everything to be honest.

Oh wellies, I'm going to go get my Ipod and dance around for a bit

Today was cheese and wine day
But really the only cheese we had was this weird cheese from cyprus that doesn't melt when you fry it called Halloumi. Nice though.
And we had quite a lot of wine.. And beer.. And champagne (left over from exam results celebration). Was a fun day.

We were meant to be at Vicky's at half 10 but even though I was late I was still the first on there at quater to 11. Don't worry, we didn't start drinking until MUCH later than that. Like, half 11.
Sometimes I think we're alcoholics, but really we're just making the most out of summer

Being the biggest lightweight ever, I managed to get reasonably drunk, but not drunk enough to start chucking up, so I was quite proud of myself

I was annoyed in the car on the way there though because my mum was going on about how lots of other girls are so much more mature than me because they go out drinking and stuff and I was just sat there thinking, 'It's kind of ironic that I'm on my way to Vicky's to get drunk right now..."

We watched Wallace and Gromit and we started to watch E.T. but then we ran out of food so we had to wander over to Booths to get some ice cream, lollys and chicken satay sticks.
Don't ask, we were drunk.

I think I made a bit of an idiot out of myself by telling lots of random people in my phone book that I loved them. And that I wanted to have sex with one guy. Don't worry, I was joking.
Not sure if he saw it that way though.
Oh well.

Me and Vicky arranged to go into Manchester tomorrow because we decided we needed to get new clothes to wear in sixth form. And Ella is going into Manchester tomorrow with her friend Colleen, so we'll probably meet up. I'd better get used to all this getting up early, *sigh*

We think we're going to see 'Wild Child' as well, but who knows. Might not have enough money with all the clothes we're planning to buy

We shall have to wait and see